Back whenever it was, I had that scooter accident. My replaced teeth look just like the old ones; the scrapes got better; the scabs and marks on my face went away; the sprained chest healed. The knee, not so much. It was swollen and alternately plagued by weird stabbing pains and a pale-gray numbness, and every time I used it for even a short walk, it was hot-and-cold gray for two days afterward.
Six weeks ago or so, I went in and had X-rays. No breaks, hurrah; and I got heavy-duty anti-inflammatories and some instructions. Nothing changed, though, and so now, three and a half months after the injury I finally decided it wasn’t getting better. So I went in to the doctor, and the result is that I am getting the fluid drained and a steroid shot this afternoon. Anyone who knows me knows I hate doctors: I feel two doctors’ bad treatments destroyed my life in 2004 and for years afterward; the fact that I finally came out of it is in spite of those doctors and their treatments. Add the fact that any medicine is always, always a financial blow, and getting to the doctor feels like an insuperable challenge sometimes.
But self-care comes in tiers. For months, I have been cradling this knee, talking to it, comforting it however I can — essentially treating it like a small child with a scrape. But there’s another tier, when you ask for help from someone else: doctors, friends, family, your neighbor. It’s still self-care; you are recognizing that you need more than you can do by yourself. And there’s yet another tier, when you do the thing you hate because it will be better. For me, that’s doctors. But afterwards, I always feel better, not necessarily because they fixed the problem, but because I cared enough to try something hard.
In other (writing) news:
- I have been reading Lord Dunsany, taking notes for a project that is not mine.
- I repurposed my downstairs office for a writing space. It’s going to be cool and shady all summer.
- I have four projects in mind, of different types and scales. Details sooon….
- I still have five or six things I need to do before I really buckle down.